Take THAT!

Okay, so I'm the first to admit I've been in a funk for the last few days... chalk it up to PMS. I was weepy, feeling sorry for myself, and basically feeling down about the whole weight loss thing. Today, I dragged myself to yoga class (after walking an extra few blocks to the bank and back) and HOLY CRAP, y'all. I OWNED that yoga class. There were a few moments where I was a bit frustrated at not being able to do simple stuff most people can do (I have ... um... folds of fat that get in the way for some of the poses), but all in all, it was hard, it hurt, and I did it! Guys, I did an awesome TREE pose! (that's the one that always kicks my ass). I still can't even pretend to do the tree on my left foot, but damn if I didn't hold that right foot one until it was time to come out of it!

This is what full tree pose looks like.

I did not look up, for the record. And my foot rests with the heel just under the opposite knee, because I'm just not that flexible. But I did not fall over once, and I'm insanely proud of that. So I was finding this class a bit more difficult than usual, and I was wondering why... after everyone else left (it takes me longer to get my stuff together after class), the instructor told me that I seemed a bit to limber and chipper leaving class last week, so she stepped up the intensity a bit. Damn. That means it wasn't ME! It was the WORKOUT!!!! :D That left me feeling pretty awesome too :)

My first appointment with her (as a trainer)? It's TOMORROW. I am so excited! We did a quick look-see in the gym before I came back to the office, and I can't believe how much I'm looking forward to this. (note to self: remember your spare sneakers)

Oh, and I can knit what I want again :D I finished Kimery's cowl last night. I actually would have knit another couple of rows, but my stupid circs popped off the cable. *sigh* I don't think I'm much harder on my circs than anyone else, but this is the FOURTH set that's popped on me. I'm rethinking getting myself a set... I may just follow the Harlot into the land of straights and DPNs. I managed to rescue what I had and bind off, which left me a teeny ball of leftovers (but they were leftover from the mittens anyway, so the cowl is a full two balls and a tiny bit extra). I noticed one thing I messed up though, which was probably making it harder to knit. I DOUBLE twisted when I cast on, so I've got a mobius cowl that twists twice. Not a big deal, and it still looks great. I can't wait to give it to her!

Now I can get back to my one-row scarf and finish that one, and I can get back to putting the blankets together! (poor Rob, he's getting worried that it still won't be done when he arrives). The Diagonal Rib scarf requires a bit more concentration, so I think the one-row is going to become my go-to pattern for plain vanilla knitting. It's one row. And it's easy to tell where in the four-stitch combination you're at. I can pick it up and put it down at any point and still be okay. (oh, and speaking of the Harlot... I found out she's COMING! HERE! To Janie's!!!! I am so excited I could spit! (but I won't. I'll just sign up for all the classes she's teaching. She's here for THREE DAYS!!!!)

Shavasana :)

Slight accomplishment and a lot of desperation...

I wrote out this whole long post and then realized I was just whining and feeling sorry for myself, so I deleted it. I did not go to the gym last night. I did groceries and then realized that Zachary had three exams to study for, so it really wasn't fair to drag him to the pool. I could have left him at home and taken Skye swimming, but after an unpleasant grocery trip (that child is beyond difficult when you make her do something she doesn't want to, and she NEVER wants to go grocery shopping), I was stressed out and just wanted to relax. No excuses, I simply didn't want to anymore.

I'm currently feeling very whiny and sorry for myself because I'm hungry, I (still) have a headache, and I am not seeing results (duh, you don't go to the gym, you don't get gym-like results!). The painters are in, and I generally tend to be very weepy and whiny when that happens. I'm also somewhat frustrated because I have a personal trainer who's willing to work with me, who is happy to make herself available, and I'm futtering over how much this is going to cost ($50/hour, which is pretty standard, plus $8/session for three sessions to get her into the gym with me). That, on top of the cost of the gym membership, is a bit hard to swallow and I'm having trouble convincing myself that I'm worth the money. (The fact that I haven't had a shift at the store in nearly a month isn't helping... no extra paycheque coming in.)

I have to do something though, since I do not want to remain this size/weight/fitness level anymore, so I've contacted the trainer and committed to three one-hour sessions with her (*gulp*). Hopefully this won't kill me ;)

In other news, my car wouldn't start this morning. Complete stupidity on my part. I let the tank get really low, and then it went down to -20 C last night, so this morning, condensation and such, car wouldn't start. *sigh* I have learned my lesson, especially as it's been an expensive one (didn't have time to hoof it to Jeff's to pick up his car, couldn't find my jerry can to get more gas, and didn't have any change to take the bus, so I cabbed it to work this morning). I am an idiot (and I'm sure I'll get a lecture from Rob tonight).

On the plus side, I knit a whole lot on Kimery's cowl!

Determined to succeed.

First off, Rob wants me to correct something I said yesterday (he didn't actually ask, but I feel I should) :) While he did not grow up with body image problems like I did, he has in fact experienced a bit of embarrassment and frustration when faced with hard-core regulars at the gym (he started going there to recover from a broken ankle, and it was very slow going at first... kind of a pisser when the guy next to you has been running for an hour and you're hobbling along at 1.5 miles/hour and getting winded). So the fact that Rob is currently in much better shape than I am should not be taken to mean that he's never had a hard time in the gym.

Anyway, I have a few leads on a possible trainer for a couple of sessions, so we'll see how that goes. Tonight is public swim, so I'll bring the kids, toss them in the pool, and tentatively approach the gym for round two. The elliptical will not be spoken of again. Tonight we're going to try a leisurely ride on a stationary bike (I haven't successfully gotten on a bike since I was 18), perhaps some treadmill, and then we'll see. Maybe if I can manage more than a minute or two on the bike, I can split my time between the two machines.Zachary tells me I should play "Eye of the Tiger" while I'm exercising to get motivated LOL I think the kid watches too many movies.

I've also started journaling my food intake on Fitday in the interests of seeing what's going on. Right now, I'm realizing that I don't need as much first thing in the morning, but I need to increase my lunch (just ate a can of tuna because I was starving at 3pm...) So far though, I have managed to maintain a near-perfect balance (however, this does not count dinner...)

Working on it :) Which is also what I've been doing with Kimery's Cowl (poor woman, by the time it's finished, it'll be spring and she won't get to wear it!). I did cheat on it slightly last night, because I'd forgotten it at the office, and a tiny bit today at lunch because I ran out of yarn and had left the other ball at home (anyone noticing a trend?). MILES of seed stitch, I tell you! (Never mind that all the yarn in this pattern doesn't amount to more than 220 yards...) It's growing, and I'm currently half-done, since it's a two-ball pattern, and the first ball is all used up. It will be coming home tonight to be worked on, whether I like it or not ;) I also have laundry and dishes to get to, which I might if it means I can stall on this a bit more LOL There! That's how to get me to do housework! Give me something I'm not enjoying knitting and make me work on it :)

Speaking of knitting... it's going to be cold tonight (-20C). Bundle up! (and someone remind me to plug my car in!)

An exercise in frustration...

I may have mentioned that I got a membership to the city's fitness facilities (there are gyms and pools all over the place). There's one near the office, and there's one I take the kids to swimming classes at once a week. I was very excited and very hopped up and very excited and... well, you get it. Friday was knit night, and so that wasn't going to happen. Saturday, I had a knitting class and ended up with a migraine, so that didn't happen either. Sunday, however... Sunday, I got showered, got dressed, got my butt over to the gym and hopped on an elliptical machine:

and promptly got my ass handed to me by the machine. It took me several minutes (and the help of two other people exercising nearby) to figure out how to even start the bloody thing, and then I got going... my quads started burning, my calf muscles followed suit, and suddenly I was gasping for breath and my heart rate (the thing has heart rate monitors where your hands go) had shot up to 175. I stumbled off the thing in exhaustion and looked up at it to realize - get this - I had done two whole minutes on it.

My legs were total jello and I could barely breathe. I stumbled back to my car in humiliation and frustration and after a long and tearful phone call to Rob (poor guy, he tries, but he really just doesn't get it), I determined that getting my ass kicked after two minutes on an elliptical wasn't a complete failure. Rob convinced me that even getting through the door of the gym and not turning tail when I saw I was the only overweight person in the place was a small victory. I'm sure every person in there watched me walk out thinking, "Well that was quick. She won't be back." But I will. I have to. I'm going to be smart about it though. I'm going to go back - with help.

I'm hoping to recruit either a friend or a trainer (who is also a friend, but I'd pay her for her time, obviously... it's her job!), go back to the gym, and learn how to do this the right way, WITHOUT hurting myself. If anyone is interested in helping me out with this (I'm just looking for one, maybe two sessions), then by all means, let me know! There's a free lunch in it for you (and I'd pay your admission to the gym, obviously).

In other news, I have completely restricted myself to not touching ANY OTHER KNITTING until I'm finished Kimery's cowl, since it's a commission and it's sucking out all my will to live. I need to finish this thing, but if I allow myself to touch ANYTHING else, I'll avoid it. Miles upon miles of grey seed stitch. Ugh.

I'm also on day five of this headache (it doesn't feel like a migraine... it feels like lack of sleep and desperate need for new glasses) and I rather desperately want chocolate right now. Hopefully I will overcome that, since I still have to get through the rest of the day - and then school tonight as well. Monday indeed.

Midnight confessions

Well, not exactly confessions, and it's well after midnight, but meh.

I went to a finishing class today, relearned mattress stitch, and practiced my kitchener stitch and picking up stitches. I also learned a better way to increase! It was an awesome class, but the headache I woke up with had bloomed into a full-blown migraine by the time class was over, and I drove home in a haze of pain. I had intended to go christen my new gym  membership after the class, and then head to a friend's house after dinner, but it was all I could do to down some Tylenol and drag myself to bed.

After a five-hour nap, I felt pretty good :) I've been working on something I have absolutely fallen in love with:

This is the Yarn Harlot's One-Row Scarf  (hers was handspun, mine is made from some Rozetti Always I bought from Knit Knackers back when I was first learning to knit). This pattern is so easy, I can knit it in my sleep. It's four stitches. Seriously. That's it. And this yarn shines with such a simple pattern. As the girls at knit night described, it looks like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups with Cotton Candy ice cream :) These colours shouldn't work together at all, but they really do! I really wish I could still get this stuff (maybe not in the same colourway), but I bought it from the odd balls bin, and they don't carry it anymore. From what I've seen on Ravelry, I'm one of three people who's bought it ever.

I've also started putting together the baby blanket that goes with the BSJ, so that gift will likely be in the mail in a week or two. In other news, since my trip to the gym was pre-empted this afternoon, I'll be going tomorrow morning. Wish me luck. This will be the first time I set foot in a gym since Jeff and I had that YMCA membership nine or ten years ago (I went four times... I was the only fat person in the place, and I felt horribly uncomfortable).

I have to start stepping up my class reading this week. I have a 200-plus page book to get through, write an analysis/review of it, and then find two novels from different eras to compare (I don't KNOW any French novels other than the ones I've read for school in the past. Ugh.) I want to try to get at least a draft of the analysis written by the time Rob comes to visit on March 1st. The fun never stops :)

Oh what tangled skeins we weave...

No, I didn't have a weird ball-winding incident, I've just always liked that line. I've been perusing my stash page on Ravelry (I have an enormous stash which I'm trying to ... um... reduce slightly), and I'm struck by the number of odd balls I have that don't go with anything else. Part of this is the fault of the Knit-Knackers "fun bin" (what I call their odd-ball bin). Miss Emily's a real enabler too ;) Part of it is my own fault, since when I was a shiny new knitter, I had no idea how much you could actually make (or not) with a single ball or skein of yarn. So I bought a lot of odd balls.

I'm beginning to wonder what to do with them all. Some have only 100 yards (like this one):

Fleece Artist Slubby Blue (BFL)

Araucania Patagonia (100% cotton)

Some have about 150 yards:

Araucania Pomaire Multy (100% cotton)

Araucania Pomaire Multy (100% cotton)

 And some of them have a little more... (this one's about 200 yards):

Araucania Ulmo (100% cotton)

Apparently, I seem to have a thing for brightly-colored, chunky yarns... maybe. I also have a lot of worsted acrylic odd balls) but those are a bit easier to sort out. The trouble is, I'm not a hat person, and some of these don't contain enough yardage anyway. I was thinking of doing the Yarn Harlot's One-Row Scarf, but that's a lot of scarves too... I'm just torn.

I'll be taking a finishing class on Saturday, which is super exciting!!! I've been putting off sewing up Rob's blanket in the hopes that I'd be able to take it, and lo and behold, my Saturday shift was cancelled, so now I can take the class :D I did promise that I'd at least finish the blanket before starting myself a pair of socks, so that's what I'll do.

Yoga today was pretty brutal, temperature-wise, but other than that, I had a great time! I'm really enjoying it, and I'm thinking of getting a YMCA membership so I can take some more of Avril's classes once this session is done. (She teaches at the Y near the Museum of Nature, and she's an awesome instructor). Zachary has been begging me to get a gym membership anyway (not sure what a family one would cost), but I've had to explain to him that they don't let you use the weight equipment until you turn 16. He was bitterly disappointed.

I've been wondering what to do for his 13th birthday (other than finally allowing him to have a facebook account), and the only thing I could think of was laser tag. Rob was immediately enthusiastic, so that's something at least (he'd be going with Zachary and maybe 2-4 of his friends, I would knit and wait patiently for them to finish.... it just doesn't sound like my cup of tea). We'll see how it pans out. Zachary is tentatively excited about the idea of it, but we'll see if that translates into an actual willingness to invite people.

I finished with the entire 11-episode run (so far) of Heavy, and I found it quite difficult to watch at times. Man, if I had a team of experts pushing me, I'd probably be a sobbing mess. But I sure as hell would do my damndest to succeed. I really wish I could afford such a thing (without losing my job, y'know?) or at least be able to afford a personal trainer at a gym. I have a few friends who are personal trainers, but I'd never be able to pay them their regular rates, and I won't take advantage of a friendship to obtain services for less than they're worth.

So now I've gotten into Hoarders, and I find it absolutely disturbing... my son watched one episode with me last night, and he said, "Gee, our house looks pretty good compared to these people."... yeah, except they have a mental illness that prevents them from getting rid of anything. We're just slobs. I've become determined to do another mass purge in the apartment, because I just can't take the insane amount of clutter anymore. Spring Cleaning comes early!

Soup's On!

I've been meaning to use this 13-bean soup mix I bought for a while now... Today, I took a "mental health" day to sort of decompress from work and school a little, so I rinsed the beans last night. It says "soup mix", but really, it's just a combination of 13 kinds of legumes. There's no flavoring or anything in there. My kids were kind of surprised to see how much water the beans absorbed (while still being too hard to eat) overnight. I should have taken pictures.

I did accomplish a few things today already. I finished the Chastain Park Shawl, for one thing. Lookit:

I've been reading too much Yarn Harlot lately, and I desperately want to cast on a pair of socks (just to prove I can do it!), but I can't justify that when I still have a baby blanket to sew up, Rob's blanket to sew up, and Kimery's Cowl (the Gap-tastic Cowl on Ravelry) on the go, which is a commission knit. It'll be my reward for finishing up a few things. The other projects in my metaphorical basket are all long-term projects and aren't meant to be finished any time soon.

I mentioned on Daily Mile that I've started watching Heavy. I'm finding it really motivating. FINALLY, a show with actual people that I can relate to, that I can feel struggling, that I can empathize with because I am living what they were living. I cry, of course I cry, but it's helping. Last night, for instance, it got me on the treadmill. Which is awesome, because I'm not too fond of the "dreadmill". On to soup :)

Everything but the Kitchen Sink Soup

2 cups dried beans, rinsed and soaked overnight
1/2 gallon vegetable cocktail (v8 or similar)
1 lb mixed frozen seafood, or 1 lb of whatever meat or sausage or fish/seafood combination you like.
1/2 celery heart (or 3 stalks), chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
1 small can peaches & cream corn (do not drain)
2 Tbsp chipotle sauce (Tabasco, Valentina's or Frank's Red Hot would be just as good)
1 Tbsp chili powder
1/4 tsp dill
1 tsp black pepper

Toss it all in a pot, bring to a boil to cook the beans and seafood, and then reduce to a simmer for 30-40 minutes. 

©2011 Lynne Toll at http://blueceramicmug.blogspot.ca

I had a few leeks and some nice cauliflower I could have tossed in, but my pot wasn't big enough. I decided to save the leeks and make a nice pot of cauliflower-leek soup later on instead. The bean mixture really is a motley combination. It's called Bob's Red Mill 13-bean Soup Mix and it has navy, black, red, pinto, baby limas, large limas, garbanzo, great northern and kidney beans, black-eyed, yellow split and green split peas and red lentils. The frozen seafood mixture I used is from Sea Quest and has octopus, cuttlefish, squid, shrimp, clams and mussels in it (and I added a can of baby clams for good measure). I pretty much always use vegetable cocktail as a soup base (rather than water) unless I'm making a clear, brothy soup (like cabbage) or a cream soup (like the cauliflower-leek will be). It packs more of a vegetable punch and it removes the need for fats like olive oil to add flavor. It does increase the sodium content a bit, but you may have noticed that there's no salt in the above recipe. I don't use it. Heck, I'm not sure I even have any in the house. 

I will be having a bowl of this with a cheese stick later and it smells SO good! (I'd show a picture, but it basically just looks like a big pot of red stuff... i have to learn to take more pictures during prep!)