Maine or bust!

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Boring old update ;)

So last night, we got the back room damn near spotless. I even vacuumed! Sadly, the vacuum may need some taking apart, because I'm not sure what I sucked up (I swept first!), but it didn't sound happy. Rob will take a look at it when he gets here if I don't get too impatient and take it apart before he arrives (before anybody panics, no, this wouldn't be my first time taking a vacuum cleaner apart, and I'm pretty good with stuff like this).

The front room is pretty clean too (but not vacuumed). Tonight, the goal is to get the livingroom in tip-top shape so we can move the freezer which is in the front room into the back room :) Then I won't have this big chest freezer taking up my entire front hall and blocking access to bookshelves and windows. I has a plan!

The being left alone in the office every afternoon is a bit weird, but I'm getting used to locking up. I am making great strides with the knowledge base here, but we'll have to see how much of it I actually retain when the lady who's training me retires next month! (I am taking copious notes on everything I do, so I should be able to swim rather than sink). I'm also thinking of taking the courses required for the bookkeeping certificate online at Algonquin.

As to weight loss (as I promised yesterday)... well, things have been sort of bleh since my gym membership lapsed at the beginning of April. I haven't been getting much exercise, I've been eating whatever I felt like eating, and it's been so hot, I haven't wanted to cook. I finally put in the a/c and it at least cools down the kitchen. I'm going to start saving to add another unit in the front room next year (don't think I'll be able to swing it this year). So eating badly and barely exercising have contributed to bringing me back up to 285. (I was in the 290s for a couple of weeks there). Gross. Considering I was at 270, and I let it slip away, I'm very frustrated with myself right now.

Rob and I are going to be doing a 5k walk while he's here next weekend (reminder - you can sponsor me for the Walk for Arthritis by clicking here). But other than that, I need to get moving again. I need to start doing yoga at home (and for that, I need space, thus moving the freezer out of the only space large enough). I need to start walking, and I need to get back to the gym - which will be easier now that I'm employed again. I also need to start exercising a bit of control over what's going in my mouth. No more fast food, no more lunches out (granted, that was everyone's habit at my last job, but it's got to stop). We have a full kitchen at the office, so making lunch will be a bit more flexible in terms of what I can prepare.

I need to get serious, because I really noticed a difference in how I felt when I gained all that weight back. I was down to 270. I ballooned back up to 293. All of a sudden, I was really tired all the time, and sore! My joints were bothering me again, and all I wanted to do was sit around and do nothing, because I had no energy. I've brought my weight back down to 286 (during shark week, to boot! that was an accomplishment), but I still have a really long way to go.

Here's the thing. Every time someone else brings this up (i.e. Rob, mom, etc.), it makes me feel like a total failure and reminds me of how ugly I feel. Sunday, Rob brought it up, and I literally burst into tears and wouldn't talk about it at all. I just felt horrible. I feel like my entire life is becoming about what I weigh, or what I eat, or what I SHOULD be doing. I don't want my entire life to be just about weight loss. But that's kind of where I am right now, and I'm not sure how to change that. I guess the first step would be to stop viewing this as a failure and more as a temporary setback. I mean... I haven't died fat yet, right? So there's still time to turn this around. Now I just have to do it.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I'm back, sort of :)

Sorry about that... (to the two or three people who read this blog). Things got a bit crazy there for a while. My job was disappearing, things at the store were nutty (I've lost a few more coworkers I'm quite fond of, and I'm not happy about it). Things with the kids were also nutty, and there was some travel involved. Most of my free time dried up entirely.

My job ended last Tuesday (May 22nd). I was drifting in the wind again, but a mere two days later, I signed a contract for a PERMANENT JOB (I've never had one of those before... this could be neat!). I started my job this Tuesday (May 28) so all in all, I was unemployed for a week :) I can deal with that.

Arrive at work on Tuesday to be given a remote to our private, gated parking lot and to be given the 10 cent tour. We have a full kitchen (minus dishwasher, but meh...), a basement (yeahhhh.... bit creepy? But I can live with it... I don't work down there), a gorgeous conference room downstairs, and private offices upstairs. My office? My very own office? It has two windows, two filing cabinets and a DOOR, dudes! I have an actual office for the first time ever! Yesterday being my first day, they gave me alarm codes and keys and I closed up by myself. It was a bit of a shocker. I feel like a grownup!

I also work a few short blocks from the Parkdale Market. Heh... this could be dangerous (oh, and right across the street from Wabi Sabi - one of the cutest little LYS you'll ever find).

School is still out, and the protests are getting out of hand. Several nights now, the students have begun marching down St. Joseph Street in Hull (which is about 50 feet from my front door), banging on pots, using noisemakers and vuvuzelas and yelling and chanting at the top of their lungs. At 11:45pm. With police escorts. Am I happy about this? No I'm not. It's getting harder and harder to get any sleep at all before midnight, and it's pissing me off. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get back to class, but I'm hoping it's soon. I'm not willing to lose more than the semester that's already been wasted on this nonsense.

Plants are, remarkably, still alive. I haven't transplanted any of the 2nd generation of seedlings yet. All the previous ones are dead and gone. I also don't have any tomato plants, but I'm seriously thinking of giving up on the garden idea for this year. I just do NOT have the space for this, and it's annoying me to no end. The second I bring a plant indoors, Zachary's cat will either eat it, poop in it, or dig it up, and I'm fed up.

The house cleaning is going much slower than I would like. I think the major problem thus far has been the lack of a vacuum cleaner, and the over-abundance of laundry. The vacuum cleaner problem has been solved (thanks, Steve! - Rob, don't forget to give him the money if you haven't already!), so now we just need to get the laundry monsters under control. Tonight we'll be moving the big freezer ... um.... I'm not sure where. It may end up in the back room, but I'll have to see what I can manage. And then we'll be cleaning and vacuuming that area and hopefully the livingroom too. UGH.

But first, a big fat sorry about my absence for the last three weeks. I kept meaning to post, but I realized that I had nothing positive to post about (with the exception of the job) and I didn't want to just come on here to whine and rant. Tomorrow's entry will be regarding the whole weight loss thing and how that sank like a lead balloon (and why), and now that I'm employed again, there will be no reason why I can't renew the gym membership! (and I'm looking at having the treadmill cleaned. I don't know if that's a thing or not, but I want to find out!)

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Optimism and accomplishments...

This week has been a little bit better than previous ones. The back room is clean (barring vacuuming, which I can't do, because my vacuum is kaput). The kitchen is nearly clean (the floor is done, most of the dishes are clean and put away, I just need to buy a paint mask to sweep the ceiling and walls and then scrub all the surfaces). The livingroom requires a bit more work. The front hall is clean. I've gotten rid of a stupid amount of outgrown and/or damaged clothing, books and other stuff I just don't need to hang on to. Things are coming together! And since I'm off this weekend, maybe I'll take the opportunity to walk up to the Tulip Festival with the kids :)

My knitting, on the other hand, has me frothing at the mouth. I was watching a movie, working away on the dishcloth blanket, when the cable of my circular needle popped off. ARGH. This happens to me on a frighteningly regular basis. To the point where I never want to see a circular needle EVER AGAIN. I'm done. I refuse to buy yet another $10 piece of equipment that's going to break at the worst possible moment, so I've given up on the dishcloth blanket and I'm giving the intended recipient a Baby Surprise Jacket I had lying around instead. It's beyond cute, so I'm not concerned about that. I'm just seriously peeved about the circ.

I've decided to restart the blanket as a ten-stitch. Ten-stitch blankets don't require circular needles, because the most you'll ever have on the needle is - go on, guess. That's right - TEN STITCHES. I can handle that. And the ten-stitch will be gifted to yet another expectant mom. Nearly done the granny square lapghan though, so at least there's been progress there :)

The sprouts are doing okay, but I'm not tempting fate by photographing them. The little bastards would just take advantage of the situation to all go and die on me. I'm not sure what I'll do with them when I go to Chicago for four days at the end of the month. I think I'm going to drag the kids to Lac Leamy tonight for a walk :) I haven't been able to use the treadmill (see Monday's entry), and I need to get moving. Taking the stairs at work and planning ahead for meals has helped though. In two days, I'm down 4 lbs. Holy hell, those stairs... I work on the 5th floor, you wouldn't think that walking up 4 flights would be that hard, but even coworkers who are in good shape are seriously winded when they arrive. I have to rest somewhere between 3.5 and 4.5 to catch my breath, but that will improve with practice, I imagine.

Last night's dinner was flank "steak" (two inches thick - it says "roast" on the package, but I've never seen a roast that flat and steak-like) with fiddleheads. YES! Fiddleheads are in season! The kids and I very much enjoyed them last night. Tonight will likely be meatballs with steamed veggies and either couscous or quinoa. I'm sharing this video because it's just how I feel right at the moment :)

Monday, May 7, 2012

Frustration and motivation...

Sorry it's been so long, but I've been feeling pretty alone and unmotivated recently. Rob and I have been finding less and less time to talk, and when we do talk, it feels like we're just background noise to each other. Kind of sucks, but hopefully the trip down at the end of the month will solve that. We've both been really busy and had a lot of stress piling up. The stress of not knowing if I'm going to remain employed beyond the next two weeks is starting to wear on me as well.

This is kind of how my life feels right now...

I hadn't gotten on the scale in a few weeks, so I decided to get on this morning. I did NOT like the number I saw. I am not happy. I had noticed that my legs were bothering me more than usual lately (actually, pretty much the way they used to before I lost 40 lbs....) Well, it turns out that my overall loss is now only 20 lbs. This is a big problem. I haven't had the spare cash lying around to renew my gym membership since the beginning of April, so I've only been to the gym once (paying cash) in a month. Not good enough. I've got to get my documents together and get my taxes done so I'll have a bit of money for stuff like that.

Last night, I was totally motivated. Rob and I are doing the arthritis walk in just over a month. I've been trying to get moving to train for that. (I can walk 5K, but it really takes a lot out of me.) So last night, I put the kids to bed and tried to hop on the treadmill. "Tried" being the operative word. First, Skye seems to have misplaced the key (the magnetic safety thingie you hook to your clothes)... I know it was Skye, because she's the one who keeps sneaking onto the treadmill when she thinks I'm not paying attention. Now I have to see if I can get another one of those. I used a fridge magnet last night, and all was great. Then I hit "start" and nothing happened. The belt didn't even budge. ARGH. A lot of detritus passes through the back room - the cats like to sleep on the treadmill, so cat litter, hair and other stuff they drag around gets left on the belt... and the recycle bin sometimes lives on or next to it, so that leaves some stuff behind as well, and the kids tend to run the machine without sweeping off the belt first. So lord knows how much crap has accumulated under the belt. I try to lubricate it regularly, but clearly, something is off.

Fortunately, the belt has a five year warranty on it and the engine has a lifetime warranty. So I should be able to have it repaired for minimal cost, hopefully. I did take the stairs up to my office this morning (after the 3-block walk to the office). I thought I was going to have a coronary in between floors 4 and 5 (where I work), and my legs were STIFF when I got to my desk, but there we are. I made it. No more elevator until that number is a little smaller!

Still no real word on what's happening with school. For the last semester, our prof emailed us an open-book exam he wants us to return to him by end-of-day tomorrow, and then we have another ten days after that to complete our final projects. I think that the idea of this strike has been corrupted considerably since its inception, and now it's just become an embarrassment and an annoyance. PLEASE just let us all go back to class. This tactic isn't working, let's come up with something else.

I have one basil plant and my chives remaining from the original batch of seedlings. Everything else died :( I thought the chives were dead, but the little buggers grew back and are now about six inches long! The new seedlings are doing quite well, and by the time they're ready for transplanting (soon, I think... the cilantro already has true leaves poking out), it'll be warm enough outside to leave them there. I want to try to find an end table or bench to put them on outside. I've given up on planting rhubarb this year. I'll have to content myself with the crops at Rob's and my mom's house. Not sure if anything has broken ground in Rob's "garden"... we planted a few flowers here and there, but I'll have to check on it when I visit on Memorial Day weekend :)

The baby blanket is really starting to look like a blanket (I'm 11 rows from the turning point... then it's all decreases!) I decided to go until I hit 125 stitches, and then start decreasing. It'll be a good size stroller or car seat blanket :) The granny square lapghan may end up being a baby blanket after all... I'm not sure that 3 balls of yarn is enough to make anything bigger. It's doing well though. I attached the third ball this weekend. Did a lot of knitting while watching a couple of movies. I can't wait to finish these two though... they're kind of mindless projects, but there's been too much going on to deal with the lace curtain. I'm looking forward to a slightly more relaxed period up ahead for me to make some progress on that one. (It's half done... I just need time to do the other half!)

And that's basically what's been going on with me for the last two weeks. How's things by you?