Personal Accountability

I've been feeling kind of down about myself the last couple of months, because I've been fluctuating up and down with the same five pounds I've been trying to lose for a while. At one point, I said to myself, "Self," I said, "I've lost 30 lbs. since last summer. I am not a failure. I just need some motivation to get moving again!"

I have. Last July, I weighed 310 lbs. I currently weigh 284. (I weighed 280 on Monday, so I'm sticking to my 30 lbs. story.) I *should* be proud of myself. However, I keep seeing the number 160 in my head, and I'm not satisfied. I haven't been able to get down past 280. That's my current immediate goal. I need to see that magic number 7 on the scale. I think once I get to see that, my motivation to work harder will return.

So I figured I would start a blog. I will be entirely honest on this blog, admitting when I binge or cheat, admitting when I'm too lazy to get off the couch to move, and admitting when my spirits are at their lowest. Sometimes, I just feel like a fat, ugly cow. Last night, I felt that way. This morning, when I noticed that my arms have actually gotten fatter in the LAST FEW DAYS, I felt that way. Right now, I just feel angry and motivated. It's time to get serious.

This blog isn't just about my never-ending quest to lose weight. It's also going to be about my hobbies (I knit, I read a lot, I watch a lot of movies, I'm learning to crochet, I bake, I make jams/candles/soap, I cook - a lot, and I'm a mediocre amateur photographer LOL.), my kids (I have two - Zachary, who's 12 1/2 and Skye, who will be 10 in a week or so), and life in general.

I don't expect anyone to ever read this blog really, but it will serve as a tool for me to keep myself on track, to get my shit together, and to chronicle what I'm up to so if I wonder in a few months, I'll be able to go back and look! (because, really, who else is going to be interested?)

I'll post a current pic and weigh-in this evening when I get home (ugh), as well as measurements. Rob will be doing proper measurements when I visit next week, but in the meantime, I'm doing them as best I can.