Life Lessons...

(or, "How To Pull Out Of A Tailspin *After* Your Plane Has Crashed Into The Mountain")

So hey. It's been a while. How've you been? Good, good... So much for blogging regularly. I have to confess a few things, and I've been putting it off. I missed my last two yoga classes - the first due to a massive migraine that was not responding to any drugs or begging. I missed the second last week because I was spending US Thanksgiving stateside with the fella and his bunch. Pretty sweet deal, right?

Yeah.... so true to form, I went on a massive sabotage the week before leaving. I blamed it on stress. I blamed it on wonky hormones (which should level out now, hopefully). I blamed it on lack of time. I blamed it on everything except myself. I prepared NOTHING for the drive down, so I ate fast food. Didn't eat all that great while I was down there, but I wasn't overly bad... I prepared nothing for the drive back so I ended up eating donuts and Taco Bell (the kids get upset if I don't bring home any donuts from CJ's). Excuse after excuse after excuse, and the gist of it is, I just stopped trying.

I don't know why I stopped trying, but I do it every time. I make a lot of great progress, and then I undo it all in one fell swoop. This time, I undid it to the tune of finding myself at 280 again. How happy was I when I looked at the scale? Not too happy at all. I've also been meaning to try doing some yoga at home until classes start again mid-January (twice a week this time! WOO!). Have I done any? Of course not. My treadmill is currently buried under a pile of recycling and storage bins. I have done NOTHING.

Add to that the fact that my hormones really ARE wonky (I just had my IUD removed, the type that releases levonorgestrel into your system... so remove that and hello emotional nosedive!) and that I've had AF visiting for 45 out of the last 60 days (yay), and I've really been in a bad spot emotionally (and nutritionally).

It's time to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start over. I know I only went up 8 lbs from my lowest official weigh-in, but I feel like I'm right back up at 310. I gained back one fifth of what I had lost, and I'm not happy about it. I want that 8 lbs gone, and I want it to take its friends with it. My stomach has been upset almost constantly, my head has been hurting - again, almost constantly - and my joints feel like crap (they were liking the new lower weight). I did groceries with this in mind, and so now I have to get organized.

I can't kick ass and take names if I'm sitting around moping and feeling sorry for myself, can I?

Yoga blues

I can precisely pinpoint every single muscle that got worked at yoga today. How? I know, for example, that my triceps got an excellent workout, as did my quadruceps and hamstrings... my calves are whining for attention, and my glutes are sore as hell LOL

I am now ready for a nap!

Facing my demons...

Borrowed from Wikipedia.

So I was super-excited when I weighed-in on Friday and saw 272 on the scale. Even more excited, albeit a bit apprehensive when I saw 270.5 on Sunday. But when I saw 268 on Monday morning? Frankly, I was a little terrified. Okay, a lot terrified. What the heck is going on? I'm dropping weight like nobody's business, and I haven't changed any of my exercise or eating habits and in fact hadn't been to yoga class last week because I was sick with a really bad chest cold. (I was light-headed walking from my bed to the bathroom.... putting myself in downward-dog and various other strenuous positions did not seem like a wise idea.) Losing nine and a half pounds in ten days (I was 277.5 the previous Friday) is ridiculously fast and I started wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Am I sick? (Sicker than just a cold). My son suggested a tapeworm or other parasite... I am rather fond of undercooked meat, so not completely out of left-field. Basically, my entire brain was screaming "WHAT THE HELL" at me, over and over and over again.

So when I got home? I ordered pizza for dinner. I actually *talked myself into it*. I had planned dinner, there were pork chops thawed in the sink, and I convinced myself that I was too tired to cook, and that the kids should have pizza. I rationalized it at first by saying I'd order a pizza for them and a salad for me, but the cheapest deal was two medium pizzas and six cans of pop, so that's what we got. My pizza had chipotle pulled pork and BACON on it (real healthy, as if the pizza wasn't bad enough). And I ate an ENTIRE medium pizza, minus one slice. When I saw that last slice staring at me from the box, I did all kinds of beating myself up (Rob can attest to this, I was still beating myself up four hours later when he called). I felt like a horrible person who was deliberately disappointing all the people who have been supporting me.

This morning, I hopped on the scale, saw 271.5, and felt RELIEF. How messed up is that? I was honestly terrified of how fast weight was dropping off for NO APPARENT REASON, and I was relieved that a pizza binge still had the normal effect. What the hell. I want to lose weight, right? I'm happy that all my clothes are loose, right? Well, yes and no. I'm a bit sad that a lot of my favorite tops just fit like tents now. I'm disappointed that a lot of the new bras I bought less than a year ago don't fit anymore (like at ALL). Heck, the new ones I bought at Thanksgiving aren't fitting as well as they did a few weeks ago. None of my pants fit right anymore. But I can't afford to replace anything yet. I'd love to buy new clothes, but when I go into the store, nothing calls to me.

So now I'm worried, frustrated, and sabotaging myself again. I thought I was doing better than this :( I've wanted to lose weight since puberty, so now that it's happening, why am I so afraid of it?

Cabbage soup and an awesome surprise!!!

My mom phoned me this morning asking if I'd make her a batch of cabbage soup. I gave her my recipe last year after reverse-engineering this canned cabbage soup we used to buy that's no longer made (DAMN YOU, HABITANT!!!!). But she says that when she makes it, it never turns out quite right. So I got there this afternoon, and there were two cabbages and the other ingredients needed to make soup :) I managed to injure myself a couple of times (one cut was actually quite deep and I BLED -- that's an unusual occurrence for me, so somewhat noteworthy -- and no, I didn't bleed in the food. But all in all, it was a triumph and enjoyed by all.

Lynne's Cabbage Soup

2-3 Tbsp olive oil
One head of green cabbage, cut into quarters and chopped fairly fine (no piece should be more than 1/2 inch square)
One large Spanish onion, diced
Two large carrots, peeled and sliced thin
1 tsp celery seed (THIS IS IMPORTANT - NOT CELERY SALT!!!!)
six envelopes of beef Bovril (1/4 cup of any other beef soup base powder)
Enough water to cover cabbage plus about 1/2 inch
1/2 tsp black pepper

In a large wok (you can use the pot itself, but a wok is easier), heat the olive oil. Over medium heat (4 or 5 on the dial), sautee the cabbage, onions and celery seed, stirring often to prevent scorching. Continue cooking, covered, for 10-15 minutes until the cabbage is soft. Add the water and beef soup base to dissolve, increase heat to maximum. Add the carrots and pepper, bring to a rolling boil. Reduce heat to 3 and let simmer for 2 hours. Season to taste with additional beef soup base powder about 15 minutes before serving.

This soup is freezable, you can add to it (say you have leftover vegetables, or it's getting a bit too chunky, just add more beef broth, or even V8 juice) and it's filling yet light :) Very versatile and everyone who's tried it has loved it!

So as to the pleasant surprise..... well, I hopped on the scale out of curiosity this morning, and I hit 270.5!!!!! That's a ZERO, people!!!! I can not WAIT to see the scale on Friday! I'm hoping for a SIX in there somewhere! :D Not sure what I've been doing right, but I'm sure the yoga and the weekend job that keeps me on my feet aren't too bad :)

Friday...

I know it's been a while since I've been here. Chalk it up to being sick (first food poisoning and then a cold from hell), being busy at work (only two jobs now!) and midterms at school. Actually, just chalk it up to laziness on my part ;)

Anyway, this Friday's weigh-in is.... *drumroll please* - 272 lbs!!!! I'm not quite sure how this happened, since I was at 277.5 on Monday (food poisoning was last Friday). But I'll take it!

I've been up coughing since 4am and haven't been able to get back to sleep. I think it's probably wise to give myself one more day at home (I was off sick yesterday for the first time in a while) because I'll likely need a nap pretty desperately around 9am. Bleh.